Confidently Lost

At 28 years old, I’ve discovered that you must demand what you want in life. Happiness is not just a state of emotion but an action you must take as it doesn’t just simply arrive without a conscious effort on your behalf.  The truth about happiness is that we are responsible for creating it.  

Reflecting back on the past decade of my young adult life, I can pinpoint the areas where I settled for lackluster. I am undoubtedly no stranger to sorrow and I’ve probably stared misery in the face more times than I’d like to admit. And as a woman nearing 3 whole decades on this earth, I recognize now, that I’ve always had an abundance of perseverance. But through those daunting years, I lacked passion and purpose — two impactful components that are essential to happiness.

For many of us, happiness takes time. I’ve come to realize that it is not embedded into us like the air that we breathe. It is a period of trial and error and often takes a series of little pursuits to discover the passions that ignite the feeling of true purpose within us.  And with that, we can’t forget that happiness would not exist without sadness. Concealing one emotion renders the other meaningless. I know this because I’ve experienced melancholy enough times in my life to truly appreciate the tiny blissful moments I encounter every so often. Those moments are amplified doses of happiness and I hold on to them because I realize that they are such rare encounters for some.

And so I’ve come to learn that the most authentic and long lasting happiness is sparked when I’m practicing the two pursuits I love most: writing and photography.

Honestly speaking, I rely on these passions of mine to save me from time to time. They are my staircase to self expression and without them I lack an outlet to share my point of view. They contribute heavily to my happiness, fuel my creative soul,  and are the few things that remain constant in my ever-spiraling world. They often leave me feeling agitated, discontent, restless, yet always motivated to improve and be better. And that rewarding feeling of being constantly challenged to create something from nothing? Invaluable.

The famous philanthropist, Andrew Carnegie once said, if you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy, and inspires your hopes. I don’t claim to be a writer but there’s a burning desire within me to communicate my passions through the art of words. I don’t claim to be a photographer but I’m fascinated by the art of observation because it illustrates point of view. And by no means, whatsoever do I claim to be a model, but if I’m an advocate for anything, its for documenting those moments that you feel most in love with yourself.

 

I recently stumbled upon a quote to which I was surprised, came from an episode of Seinfeld. Now, while I’m more of a Sex and The City kinda gal, I still felt compelled to share a snippet of the episode that resonated with me…

“I don’t want hope. Hope is killing me. My dream is to become hopeless. ’Cause when you’re hopeless, you don’t care. And when you don’t care, that indifference makes you attractive. “

 

So here I am, a hopeless creative, blossoming most recklessly and confidently lost. I’m finally launching a new venture in my life while attempting to strike the right balance between ambitious and authentic. I lack formal training but I still pour heart and soul onto the pages of this space in hopes to connect with others that share the same passions as I do. I haven’t yet abandoned the insecurity of putting myself out there to be judged, but I possess enough belief in myself to carry on until the universe decides it wants to believe in me too.

 Someone once told me that self belief is a powerful weapon and that hard work manifests success with time. I feel confident in my talents and am so happy that I powered through infinite creative blocks and late nights obsessively teaching myself new techniques to improve my creative skills. And the outcome of it all? A true sense of accomplishment and the invigorating feeling of having something meaningful to contribute to this saturated blogger space.

What I hope to achieve from this endeavour goes well beyond social media likes and the number of “followers” beside my username. Vanity metrics do not define me or entice me. I find more solace in building a loyal readership through the creative energy that I put out into the world. I’m driven to find peace with exactly who I am on this journey in hopes that, perhaps, it’ll steer me towards taking pride in my talents, my appearance and my flaws along the way. 

My biggest ambition is to create content that leaves a lasting impression. I want it to resonate with my readers almost like the smell of a sweater someone special left behind. A human connection is undoubtedly what I crave most. I see value in creating a sense of community on this platform rather than incessantly worrying about the popularity of my posts. In fact, the only validation I need for my creativity, is my very own. And I suppose if someone, somehow, somewhere is inspired by my work? Well, that’s just the cherry on top of it all.

So as I pave my way out of digital bricks between a triple w and a .com, I look forward to looking back at this site one day and being able to reflect on my growth as a content creator. Similar to flipping through an old family photo album, I hope to evoke feelings of nostalgia with every scroll through the pages of this digital space that I’ve built out of pure passion.

And as I embark on this new journey that is The Annie Pursuit, I hope to replace my feelings of self doubt with the certainty of knowing that I’m on the right path. But for now, patience is a virtue and this platform that allows me to dedicate my existence to creating is what I will prioritize for as long as this website exists.

So, cheers to those that are devoted to this industry for the right reasons. Cheers to those that express point of views beyond the materialistic mentality. And lastly, cheers to those that hustle relentlessly to inspire, uplift and propel others towards creative expression.

After all, that’s how I came to arrive at this very point in my life . . .

Imagery captured by Jenna Oa

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